Monthly Archives: December 2010

Hopping About


 When I went out on the porch this morning I saw that the blue jays had left perfect little tracks in the snow as they hopped about looking for fallen seeds.  I too, am hopping about as I pack up my belongings, cleaning out drawers and closets deciding what to keep, what to recycle.  I have long anticipated leaving Bend and returning to Portland (or the coast which hasn’t happened yet…).  I have taken a small house in Portland and must be over their soon —  like before Christmas!  I am downsizing like crazy, looking everywhere for boxes (by phone) — unable to drive around yet as the temperature still hasn’t risen above freezing for at least a week, and there’s too much snow and ice on the roads for me to navigate.  Hopefully, today the ice begins to melt and tomorrow I will be hopping into my car (please!) to accomplish the many things I have to do.  So I am navigating around the house as I pile up discards and “keep” piles, the “keeps” smaller than the discards (I hope).  Wish me luck as I lumber over the mountain with a rented truck filled with my “keeps”!   Change is good, right?

I shall light a candle on December 21 in my new little house in Portland, to celebrate yule, winter (without snow) , a full moon, and the future!

Wishing everyone wonderful, magical holidays!


The Year of Living, Dangerously – Imaginary Conversations #5 ~2009


Journal Cover – I cut up a drawing and put it back together again, glued it to a page in a sketch book – after the journal was finished, I knew this was to be the cover.  The year 2009 began like most any year – lots of resolutions – lots of ideas, hopes, and, of course, the unknowns.   I guess the first thing that happened was my immediate boss at work gave notice.  We worked so happily together and balanced each other very well, I knew it would be a difficult transition working for someone new.  She suggested I apply for her position, but we both knew I wouldn’t survive working for her boss, which was the reason she was moving on.  Corporate hired someone new, and in March I lost my job.  Not a good time to be job hunting, to say the least. 

A sketch of my new boss, that became a mini-painting and started a series of other little paintings I called Circ.

 “Margaux and Her Climb to the Top” acrylic on Canvas 4×6 inch

My senior photo from high school, I am 16 years old.  Thought I knew so much more.  It just seemed appropriate to put this old photo in this journal – a journal of moving backward and being dragged forward full speed.

A sketch for a painting that I am still working on.  Its a very large painting ( for me) and it’t taking a lot of time to create.

Now that I’m not working there seems to be a lot of time for thinking about the past.  Also a lot of time to work on letting go of the past, easier said than done!

Jobless, and now bad news from my doctor.  This year just isn’t getting any better.  I wish I could fly away.  I wish I were a million hours away from this moment, not  in this time, not here – be somewhere else, anywhere else, be anyone but who I have to be now.

I am standing in fire.

An old blurry photo of me at age 30.  Aren’t we supposed to know most everything by then – we are adults – but I still knew very little.  I look at my face and I see how trusting and naive I was, even at 30.  But I like  this photo, I like the person I was, inspite of being naive.


A copy of a drawing I did – somehow I have lost the original – but I had a copy of it in the computer, such a sad determined face.  I feel myself growing angry, then sad, then angry, determined, afraid, staunch.  I cannot be defined by this thing that has invaded.  I am determined to fight this on my own – I kept it secret for months.



Thirty-three stones – one a day, five days a week, for six weeks.  I gathered a stone each day after the radiation treatment and I keep them in a jar where I can see them often – a reminder that I am determined!  December 1, 2010, saw my one year anniversary from radiation.  The disease did not define me, the experiences I grew from defines me.

“Lilith” and “Angelique” Pasticcio Quartz Art Zine Holiday Issue


 “Lilith at the Edge” – 10×10 inches Acrylic

“Lilith” and “Angelique”  are on display in the latest issue of Pasticcio Quartz magazine!   Merry Christmas to me!  Thank you, Sarah Fishburn and Angela Cartwright, for finding my art and thinking it worthy of your beautiful magazine!  I am so proud to be a part of the Holiday Issue!

 “Angelique Took a Shortcut Through the Woods and the Stars”  Acrylic on 10×10 inch canvas

 Detail of frozen pond from Lilith

Detail from "Lilith"


Detail from "Lilith"

Detail from “Angelique”