Monthly Archives: December 2010

Hopping About

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 When I went out on the porch this morning I saw that the blue jays had left perfect little tracks in the snow as they hopped about looking for fallen seeds.  I too, am hopping about as I pack up my belongings, cleaning out drawers and closets deciding what to keep, what to recycle.  I have long anticipated leaving Bend and returning to Portland (or the coast which hasn’t happened yet…).  I have taken a small house in Portland and must be over their soon —  like before Christmas!  I am downsizing like crazy, looking everywhere for boxes (by phone) — unable to drive around yet as the temperature still hasn’t risen above freezing for at least a week, and there’s too much snow and ice on the roads for me to navigate.  Hopefully, today the ice begins to melt and tomorrow I will be hopping into my car (please!) to accomplish the many things I have to do.  So I am navigating around the house as I pile up discards and “keep” piles, the “keeps” smaller than the discards (I hope).  Wish me luck as I lumber over the mountain with a rented truck filled with my “keeps”!   Change is good, right?

I shall light a candle on December 21 in my new little house in Portland, to celebrate yule, winter (without snow) , a full moon, and the future!

Wishing everyone wonderful, magical holidays!

The Year of Living, Dangerously – Imaginary Conversations #5 ~2009

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Journal Cover – I cut up a drawing and put it back together again, glued it to a page in a sketch book – after the journal was finished, I knew this was to be the cover.  The year 2009 began like most any year – lots of resolutions – lots of ideas, hopes, and, of course, the unknowns.   I guess the first thing that happened was my immediate boss at work gave notice.  We worked so happily together and balanced each other very well, I knew it would be a difficult transition working for someone new.  She suggested I apply for her position, but we both knew I wouldn’t survive working for her boss, which was the reason she was moving on.  Corporate hired someone new, and in March I lost my job.  Not a good time to be job hunting, to say the least. 

A sketch of my new boss, that became a mini-painting and started a series of other little paintings I called Circ.

 “Margaux and Her Climb to the Top” acrylic on Canvas 4×6 inch

My senior photo from high school, I am 16 years old.  Thought I knew so much more.  It just seemed appropriate to put this old photo in this journal – a journal of moving backward and being dragged forward full speed.

A sketch for a painting that I am still working on.  Its a very large painting ( for me) and it’t taking a lot of time to create.

Now that I’m not working there seems to be a lot of time for thinking about the past.  Also a lot of time to work on letting go of the past, easier said than done!

Jobless, and now bad news from my doctor.  This year just isn’t getting any better.  I wish I could fly away.  I wish I were a million hours away from this moment, not  in this time, not here – be somewhere else, anywhere else, be anyone but who I have to be now.

I am standing in fire.

An old blurry photo of me at age 30.  Aren’t we supposed to know most everything by then – we are adults – but I still knew very little.  I look at my face and I see how trusting and naive I was, even at 30.  But I like  this photo, I like the person I was, inspite of being naive.

 

A copy of a drawing I did – somehow I have lost the original – but I had a copy of it in the computer, such a sad determined face.  I feel myself growing angry, then sad, then angry, determined, afraid, staunch.  I cannot be defined by this thing that has invaded.  I am determined to fight this on my own – I kept it secret for months.

 

 

Thirty-three stones – one a day, five days a week, for six weeks.  I gathered a stone each day after the radiation treatment and I keep them in a jar where I can see them often – a reminder that I am determined!  December 1, 2010, saw my one year anniversary from radiation.  The disease did not define me, the experiences I grew from defines me.

“Lilith” and “Angelique” Pasticcio Quartz Art Zine Holiday Issue

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 “Lilith at the Edge” – 10×10 inches Acrylic

“Lilith” and “Angelique”  are on display in the latest issue of Pasticcio Quartz magazine!   Merry Christmas to me!  Thank you, Sarah Fishburn and Angela Cartwright, www.acartwrightstudio.com/pasticcio for finding my art and thinking it worthy of your beautiful magazine!  I am so proud to be a part of the Holiday Issue!

 “Angelique Took a Shortcut Through the Woods and the Stars”  Acrylic on 10×10 inch canvas

 Detail of frozen pond from Lilith

Detail from "Lilith"

 

Detail from "Lilith"

Detail from “Angelique”