It Doesn’t Matter…

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Have you ever told yourself, it doesn’t matter,  even though it matters terribly?  I’m saying that now, and beginning to actually believe it…one can only go on so long making excuses for another person’s behavior before you just throw your hands up and say, oh well, we’re at it again, I see.

I know a woman I’ve been making excuses for, and looking the other way about it, for years.  She has said and done the most disappointing things, and has been doing this for most of her adult life.  It began in 1991, well long before that really, but I became aware of it then.  I just couldn’t figure out why some people I knew very well began acting so strangely.  Now she is doing it again, but because the internet is readily available, she is using it like a butcher knife and ripping through lives (mine and a few others) having a nasty little tantrum — but sharing it with the world.  What this sad person doesn’t understand is that the reflection of her deeds only brings shadows and darkness directly against her own soul.

Why does she do this?  I don’t really know, and although I know her better than anyone, I have never figured this, twist to her personality, out.  She has done it to others, and to me repeatedly.  There is a nastiness in her core that she has allowed to grow, has used against others – but what she gains by this is so small, and that is where I lose comprehension of the sense of it.

Now I am going to go make some art, and in the making of that art I will completely forget about everything else, and life will go on, as it always does.

I will remember that I have a joy that runs through my life, like a river, powerful and true.   I have other gifts and other loves that inspire and enrich, and protect me.

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6 responses »

  1. I feel sorry. I feel sorry for you and others that are at the receiving end of a person’s poison. I feel sorry for that person. I think we have all come across people like that at some stage in our lives, I know I have. I cannot imagine what it must be like to wake up every morning and go to bed every night with negative thoughts. I cannot imagine spewing those thoughts into reality and hurting others people. I feel sorry for them, they must be so unhappy right to their core.

    It does matter, but at the same time our lives are so rich and full that that we can do exactly what you said, go create something knowing we do not suffer that affliction.

    I am old enough now to say, if possible, put that person way out of your life, they will never change, especially when they use an open forum like the internet.

    I read your blog, look indulge in your art and know you are a lovely person.

    Thank you for your creativity hugs to you

  2. art will calm and settle you. remember that she will never be happy doing what she does, and she in part probably does these things so no one will be happy either. miserable people, it is said, want everyone to be in a state as they are. it is best you recognize her short comings and find your niche in a peaceful activity.

  3. I usually do not leave comments…but this post really hit to my core…
    To answer your question…I believe the nastier she gets….the deeper she is drowning, in that powerful river..you speak of…….keeping her submerged…when indeed ..her pain..is lhe anchor around her heart…..when the simple answer is….. let go and float……..
    Sometimes, my friend……as much as you dearly wish you could…….you cannot help some one who is drowning..for .they will drowned you too..
    I have just recently found Lynne Hoppe…and cannot wait with her guidance, .start to paint and do faces…I love how you say…yours are imaginary people… you know….I just giggled out loud with that….Your faces are really very interesting and well done! I love them all…….
    Good going ….try not to worry about your friend.. make your wonderful art…and the rest will believe me will take care of itself…
    I promise!
    I am so glad I found you!
    Pen

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