Category Archives: Random Thoughts

It Doesn’t Matter…

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Have you ever told yourself, it doesn’t matter,  even though it matters terribly?  I’m saying that now, and beginning to actually believe it…one can only go on so long making excuses for another person’s behavior before you just throw your hands up and say, oh well, we’re at it again, I see.

I know a woman I’ve been making excuses for, and looking the other way about it, for years.  She has said and done the most disappointing things, and has been doing this for most of her adult life.  It began in 1991, well long before that really, but I became aware of it then.  I just couldn’t figure out why some people I knew very well began acting so strangely.  Now she is doing it again, but because the internet is readily available, she is using it like a butcher knife and ripping through lives (mine and a few others) having a nasty little tantrum — but sharing it with the world.  What this sad person doesn’t understand is that the reflection of her deeds only brings shadows and darkness directly against her own soul.

Why does she do this?  I don’t really know, and although I know her better than anyone, I have never figured this, twist to her personality, out.  She has done it to others, and to me repeatedly.  There is a nastiness in her core that she has allowed to grow, has used against others – but what she gains by this is so small, and that is where I lose comprehension of the sense of it.

Now I am going to go make some art, and in the making of that art I will completely forget about everything else, and life will go on, as it always does.

I will remember that I have a joy that runs through my life, like a river, powerful and true.   I have other gifts and other loves that inspire and enrich, and protect me.

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A Week in Denver

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Cait and I just spent a week in Denver visiting Elizabeth and Christian, and my beautiful grandson, Cabrin.  The weather was very warm, several days of 100 or more!  So outside time had to be managed a little, but we still found plenty to do!   One hundred or more doesn’t seem as hot as 100 in Portland.  Its very dry in Denver, so not much humidity.  (Our week was dry and warm, no thunder storms or rain.)  We went to markets, fairs, the aboretum, parks, creeks, antiquing, shopping, and spent hours on the deck talking and playing with Cabrin who will soon be three-years-old! 

 Riding in his covered wagon at the Farmer’s Market, Dad pulling the wagon.

Trying to make a giant hula hoop work by picking it up and running in a circle!  Hmmmm? 

 

“What’s going on here,”  he says.

 

 A small treasure for Mairwen Rose, who couldn’t come with us — she just got a new job!  Yay for her!

A small treasure for me!  A rusty, broken, and old, kitchen utensil! 

 

Sisters!  Cait (on the right) and Elizabeth.

 This was a fun day!  It was too hot to stay outside for long, but I found a seed pod(green) from a tree,and it has a green pea seed inside.  I can’t remember the name of the tree – it was so hot that day my brain was addled!  And a little black  seed pod from a Hyacinth bean plant!  The flowers were so beautiful, I hope I will be able to grow one next summer from this seed!

Lilly pad with flower at the Denver Botanic Gardens.  I wish I could say I took this photo, but I didn’t.  Elizabeth is our talented photographer in the family!  Visit her website here http://www.elizabethsizemore.com/

 

 

A “Cookie” in a wheelbarrow!”

A boy in a wheelbarrow!

A boy on a tricycle with a funny helmet!

 

An “extra-terrestial” in a cup of milk.  Hmmm?  What’s going on here?  “Mama, ET is stuck!”

Auntie Cait and Cabrin in front of his home.

Elizabeth and Christian (my son-in-law)and Cabrin (making a silly face).

Wearing “Mimi’s”  glasses and looking a little unfocused!

Wearing my glasses again!  He says, I see two Mimis!

A little wild bunny in the back yard.

Denver was a lot of fun, but time to get back into the studio and make some art.  My first project is to put together my travels in Denver book for 2011!

 

 

Summer Nothings…

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Work in progress, un-named at present, as we only just met this evening!  and she hasn’t given me her name yet.

In the night garden – flowering sage and lantana, and a California reminder!

I love my little garden in Portland.  August has been the loveliest month, sun and warmth and my birthday – I never imagined when I was young that I would actually grow old!  24,820 days.  What a gift I have been given!

 

Out of focus – Madonna of the Marigolds

Impatiens and salvia or flowering sage – I can never remember, and a little old fashioned “pink” in the small wicker chair!  The bees and the hummingbirds love it (the sage)!  And I love the color, especially in the evening!

Cookie Moon on an adventure up the stairs!

Penstemon or Beard Tongue!  The hummingbirds love to kiss it, bearded or not!

The marigold madonna serenly peeking out.

I hope you all enjoy this last month of summer as much as I do! 

More Imaginary Conversations

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Portland to Bend ~ Life in Boxes ~ Imaginary Conversations III 2006

This is a small handmade journal, about 9 x 6 inches.  The covers are 300 pound handmade watercolor paper.  I tore them from a painting I felt wasn’t worth finishing.  The pages are my usual brown paper with a covering of gesso. 

The back cover.

Gouache, pen and ink, watercolor.  I actually painted this as a finished 24 X 36 inch painting using acrylics.  I say “actually” because I rarely finish my journal sketches, although I have good intentions.

 Pen and ink, a silly sketch, prompted by job frustration.  Imaginary Conversations are good for the soul!

Doodles

Colored pencils

Colored Pencils

Water color, pencil

This is what prompted the title of my journals.  My mind wanders into this kind of  Imaginary Conversation quite frequently, maybe I should get a real life?? 

Imaginary Conversations

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I started saving my journals about 5 years ago.  Until then, after I completed each one I threw it away so no one would ever be able to read them.   Now I wish I hadn’t done that but at the time it seemed appropriate.  Five years ago I found myself living alone, and privacy seemed less important to me and I started to save them.   I began doodling, or collaging, or painting in my journals, but until this last year or two, they were mostly written journals.  I have been doing some cleaning and rearranging in my house, and the journals live on a shelf in my studio and I now need that shelf for other things, so I’m packing them away for a while.  I thought I would share the covers and maybe some of the less incindiary pages.  I don’t censor myself in these journals, so please excuse any words you may find that seem inappropriate – I’ve tried to crop out most of the writing.  In the  last five years all of my journals are titled, “Imaginary Conversations,” and numbered by year.  I read that phrase somewhere and it seemed like the perfect title for a journal – these are imaginary conversations because what is said in a journal is not usually spoken.  Anyway here are a few of them.  Some years there are more than one, or I keep two, one with just writing and one more visual.  These are the early visual ones, and there is still a lot of  journal writing on the pages.   

 Imaginary Conversations I – 2005 ~ Words Unspoken

I always use a green pen for writing in my journals and I often scribble little pictures with the green pen.  

This page folds out to reveal the scribble below.

I really like to scribble faces.

 

 

Imaginary Conversations II ~ 2006

I remember I had been trying different glues – I don’t remember what this was – but it was a failure!  The page is permanently wrinkled, I tried making it better by hand drawing a paisely design around it!

I remember this page – the post-it notes I penciled in are taken from the little notes a co-worker used to leave for me when I was working at the main office of a well-known non-profit food delivery service, located in Portland.  I was the “Office Manager” and this particular busy lady liked to let me know when the mail room needed clean up or organization.  She left “empty” on a paperclip holder that was obviously empty!  haha  The “return to patio” referred to an empty milk crate that someone had misplaced in the mailroom.  The next day when it hadn’t been dealt with per her instructions she threw it at me (not the note, the plastic milk crate!) 

The next page – haha – I think I was feeling a little witchy about the whole place!  I only lasted about four months – it was just too stressful a workplace.  The milk crate incident was only a minor wrinkle in the overall atmosphere of the place.

Well, that’s a few pages from Imaginary Conversations I and II.  I will be sharing more in the next few days – life is getting piled up in the present tense as the holidays begin with their freeway speed, not much time for artmaking!  I am busy working on Christmas presents now!

 

Old Pages … New Pages, Nothing much

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Evening Stars – Journal page 2009.  Gouache on gessoed brown paper journal page, 8.5 x 11 inches – double spread.

I thought I would share some older pages today because I haven’t done much of anything for the last couple of weeks, which is how it seems to go with me, a lot all at once, then nothing at all for a while.  These are journal pages, not artist book pages.  Looking back is kind of fun, like a photo album – I remember what I was thinking when I did them – but I will leave my thoughts out of it this time.

Journal Page, 2009.  Torn papers, junk mail finds, drawing, gouache, collage.

Journal Page 2009.  Gouache, collage.

My house, taken last night.  I wanted to capture the moon shining above my home.  It is never across the street, but always over my house.  I find that comforting.  November 12, 2010.

Journal Page 2009.  Gouache, collage, handprint.

November 12, 2010. My house and the moon, from the other side.  The lighted window is my studio. I love that the camera makes the studio windows look like  square blocks of light.

“Life was ‘dotty’ with loopholes.”  Journal page 2009.  Gouache, collage.

Journal Page 2007.  My studio window in the rain. Photo copy, gouache, collage.

Journal Page 2009.  Collage, gouache, found objects.

Journal page 2009.  Pencil, charcoal.  Sketch of a character from a novel I was reading, as seen in my  mind’s eye.  I think it was called Changeling, not sure though, it may have been The Stolen Child.

Ink blots from yesterday – no clear direction in mind – just playing with water and color on ATC sized paper.

Ink drops on ATC size watercolor paper.  This one turned  into Bob Dylan!  Gouache, India ink. 

Remember coloring paper leaves in school? and then the teacher would hang them in the windows for our fall decorations?  I loved that!  So I drew some last night and painted them in with gouache.  These were done on printer wt brown paper and gessoed first.  Psychedelic Leaves! Cool!